The Humdrum Affairs

Part 5: It’s okay not to be okay…

Have you ever felt uncomfortable sharing your feelings? Do you feel scared that people might judge you and that you must hide those parts of yourself that you don’t like? If yes, then I guess we are both in the same predicament.

The basic reason I started writing this blog was that I wanted an outlet for all those pent up frustrations that were killing me inside. I am not a very complicated person, I have the same problems that other people of my age have. The only flaw that I have is my inability to open up to others. Right now when I’m writing, it doesn’t feel so hard, but when I’m with a friend it is like I can’t just get my thoughts out.

I have a lot of friends and I’m the person who everybody looks up to when they need someone. They tell me I am a good listener and it is nice to help a friend, to be there when they are at their lowest. So it is obvious that they would be there when I am in need. Sadly when I am depressed I prefer to suffer in silence instead of going to my bff and crying my eyes out till I feel better.

I have no idea what I’m scared of. If somebody likes me, they should like all the parts of me and not only the selected ones that they choose right? And if there is someone who is my friend only for his/her personal gain than he/she wasn’t my friend to begin with.

The truth is probably that I’ve spent all my life trying to be perfect in every sense. Accepting that I am depressed would be like showing my weakness to the world thus making me vulnerable. I told myself I was strong enough to manage everything on my own, that I can go through anything without falling apart. I was so wrong. The more I tried to suppress my feelings, the more I hurt.

Now I realize that nobody is perfect. Everyone is flawed in their own little ways. I am allowed to make mistakes, I don’t need to fake a smile every time. It is okay not to be okay sometimes. I am no superhuman and neither are you. Hiding yourself won’t do you any good. So next time you feel down, don’t be ashamed of it. Go out talk to someone about it, maybe they will just end up helping you more than you ever imagined 🙂




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