Just Friends

What would you do if you fell in love with your best friend? This is something I could never get an answer to. Most of us have crushed on our friends and then there are people who have had the bad experience of being ‘friend zoned’. In my opinion there is nothing more distressing than being caught up in an unrequited romance with a friend of yours.

The point is that it is very easy to fall for someone like that. When you’re with a person for so long; a person who understands you and supports you, it is but obvious that you end up liking him/her. But then there is always the danger of “what if ?”

“What if he doesn’t like me back? ” or “What if it destroys our friendship?” So what would you do if put in the same situation-

“Would you rather tell a friend you love him and lose the friendship or forever keep your silence and suffer a lifetime of lies?”

 

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33 comments on “Just Friends

  1. A conundrum indeed RG, I am trying to think back when I was younger if I have been in the same situation (I feel like I am in my 90’s by saying that!) I guess I would go on body language, the time I have known this ‘friend’ and if there have been any indications that he felt the same way about me. If I admit my feelings I could risk the chance of losing, however if I don’t I will only suffer. If I do … perhaps he is also feeling the same way, but is as scared as I to say something? xx

  2. deanabo says:

    That would be a tough decision!

  3. iamforchange says:

    Be honest and put your cards on the table. The silence and lifetime of lies? Why would you do that to yourself? Just my thought as I would rather not live a lifetime of silence or lies, if he walks away he was going to anyway at some point. He may just love you too! Wouldn’t you like to find out?

  4. Ruby says:

    The friend zone has ended the moment you start having feelings for your best friend. I’ve been into this situation and yes I said how I felt about him. It didn’t end well but at least I didn’t wonder “what IF I told him”.

  5. I’m so sorry that it didn’t end well for you. Actually that is what I’m scared of, losing my best friend. But then atleast you won’t have to regret not telling him…

  6. I was in a big sense in love with someone who didn’t want to have a romantic relationship with me, but wanted to be my friend. A part of the problem was he did accept that I had those feelings, but I had a hard time with changing my expectations of the relationship, I was obsessed with him and wanted things he could not give me, and he was not obsessed with me. He fell in love with someone else, at first I could not accept it and that caused a break to happen in th relationship, we came back into friendship and I made a lot of progress on accepting the relationship, but still he felt I wasn’t making enough progress on my relationship addiction and ended up giving up on me. Anyway, I have been grieving that loss, it broke me but I’m putting myself back together one step at a time I think.

    Anyway, for your situation I agree with those above, that if you have strong romantic feelings for this friend you should be honest, he may just happen to reciprocate, and if not, then hopefully the friendship will still stand strong and he will accept you for having those feelings, even IF (and its a big if) he turns out not to have the romantic feelings you have. But if that is the case, he may be able to very well stay friends with you, but you would I guess need to accept it.

    • I hope you are okay now. I understand how hard it must be for you to deal with such a relationship. The hardest part is not that he didn’t like you back, it is the fact that you lost a very good friend in the process 😦
      I feel it too that I should just tell him about my feelings but I can’t get over that unknown fear of what might happen. I’ve known him for like 14 years and it would be really hard to lose a friend like him. I guess I’ll just have to take that risk.
      Thanks for visiting 🙂

  7. I think honest, tell him how you feel, maybe start it with there is no pressure, I am just telling you. I don’t want to lose our friendship but this is how I feel.

    Are you feeling there may be a return of that feeling?

    You know, to live in regret, perhaps missing out on something beautiful would be sad. He may feel the same way, and also worried about messing up a friendship.

    If he just wants to be friends though, disappointing to you, but work hard to keep the friendship, with no bitterness. Just make a little doll of him and stick pins in it. 😉 but smile whilst you do it.

    GOOD LUCK RG!!!

  8. Haha loved the voodoo idea 😉
    I am trying to prepare myself mentally to just tell him what is on my mind. I guess it would be better than to live in regret all my life. There is something holding me back and I just can’t place what it is
    😦 thanks for the support 🙂

    • *nods* It is a scary step, you don’t want to lose the friendship.. but if there is more it could be great.

      so, start the conversation that way, you don’t want to lose the friendship, but he has come to be something more to you, you are wondering if that is a feeling that is shared, no pressure, if not, you’re friendship is still wonderful and you don’t want it to change, If there is more though to miss out on it, would be sad.

      I think there have been a lot of movies about this. omg find one and watch it together, that could start the conversation.

      but start making the doll too… *giggles and nods*

  9. I’ll start working on it right away *evil smile*
    Nice idea…what movie would you suggest??

  10. Speaking as the recipient of a friend-crush that I didn’t reciprocate, here’s my advice. 1) Give it a month or two, to see if it’s a passing phase. 2) Don’t assume he feels the same way…it’s easy to misread situations in your favor when you really, really want something. 3) Don’t surprise him with some big romantic gesture. 4) Have an honest, open, simple conversation. 5) Don’t blow it out of proportion–if you tell him how you feel, yes, things between you may change, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of your friendship. You’ll probably need some time apart, and if he truly is a friend worth having, in time you’ll both move on and your friendship will heal.

  11. Thanks a lot for your advice Abigail. I think you are right that I should not blow it out of proportion. I guess I should just sit down with him and have a long talk regarding this. I just can’t seem to build up the courage to do so..

  12. johncoyote says:

    When friendship move to lovers. Hard to return to friendship. The desire of the body can take away the hope and kindness of friendship.

  13. Ray says:

    What a question! Holy Hannah I can’t answer it! I have a VERY dear friend who told me, “I would’ve missed you, even if we never met…” Thank God we met though. Nothing wrong with a strong LOVING friendship… Better than not having her in my life at all.

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