Love is a dangerous thing. The whole concept of “love addiction” seemed impossible to me until last week when I read a newspaper article on the same.Love addiction is just when someone is addicted to the feeling of being in love, as if it was the reason why we are alive and breathing. The more I read, the more I realized how much those words were applicable to me. It was like they were trying to describe me and it left me feeling miserable.
I accept I have a few insecurities and abandonment issues but this was something I wasn’t prepared for. It was the first time I realized that all this time I was settling for less than what I deserved just because I was scared of being alone. I just had to be with someone; to feel loved and while I was having these emotions I hurt myself more than I could have ever imagined.
I trusted the wrong people, sacrificed my needs and desires for someone who didn’t deserve it. I even changed myself. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic who wishes to be swept off her feet but romance isn’t supposed to push you into depression.
I don’t want to fall in love with someone for the wrong reasons. I deserve to find true love and I don’t think I will unless I get over this overwhelming need of mine to be with someone just for the sake of it.
I’ve heard they have support groups for this too but I guess talking to family and friends would do just fine. I guess now that I’m aware of where I went wrong I can probably get over this problem. Hopefully One day I shall find the person who would love me for me.
randomaveragegirl 
That’s the first step – awareness. Now you know what you’re natural instinct is you can be aware of it pulling you into trouble. We are VERY good at lying to ourselves when it matters.
Say you’re with someone. They’re flawless. Then, suddenly, it falls apart and you can think of a million reasons why they weren’t “quite right”. I like to do an exercise. I sit alone, think of my partner, and work really hard trying to find those “comfort words”. If he dumped me tomorrow what would I say to myself to make me feel better?
With my current partner, I can’t think of anything serious. But in the past I’ve always found bigger ones. Like “at least now I can have time to myself, he was way too clingy” or “he never really respected my opinion anyway, he didn’t get the way I think”. Try to find those words, because that’s your honesty. It’ll help you see through your rose-tinted perspective of them.
I hope this is helpful.
Yes, I did lie to myself all the time too. I kept telling myself that I was happy and that everything was perfect. Thanks for the wonderful comment Kirsty it surely did help 🙂
Kirsty, I know this is a year later, but I was looking for posts about love addiction, because like RandomAverageGirl, I am just discovering mine after 5 relationships in a row that ended the same way. Angry man, abandoned girl. I can understand one or maybe two relationships like this…but 5 in a row? No. Something’s wrong. I like your exercise so much…it is simple, but it answers questions that your gut is trying to tell you. Thank you for your post.
Amo, amas, amat…love yourself, love your family and friends and have faith;
God made a lid for every pot. A soul mate is one who can change with you, grow old gracefully with you, one who sees what you see, who is looking in the same direction as you, one who sings with you in harmony.
The support group provides the reinforcement that you are worthy, God does not make any junk, and lets you know when you have achieved balance in your life. Not too needy, not too greedy, not too willing to bend over backward,
just a real soul willing to keep their head up high and treat the rest of the world just as they want to be treated.
Yes you can..
Love, hugs and prayers…ME and the Boss
http://meandtheboss2011.wordpress.com/2011/01/ ~ 365 days of Love
Thank you for such an inspiring comment. I guess I should keep an open mind and let destiny find its way..
OMG! I feel just like you! Although I’m holidaying just now, i soon have to go home and face leaving my husband. The thought of being alone scares the hell out of me. But being unhappy is much worse. Love should never equal depression. Hugs Paula. Xxx
Awww enjoy your holidays Paula 🙂 I know the feeling is bad…leaves you feeling worthless 😦
So true! X
RG we may find that we are addicted to love to feel loved, to feel worthy. To raise self esteem. It could be to be on the receiving end of all those hormones, the chemical bath we release when we are in love. When we experience those hormones and those chemicals we crave them.
If there are support groups you can access, tis a good idea. I love support groups. You meet some nice people too.
Being aware too, tis a good thing.
You are a good person. a great person, you will find someone, or someone will find you. 🙂 Love happens, it isn’t forced or pressed. nice words aren’t they?
*hugs lots*
Awww that is so sweet of Amber 🙂 you are always there to comfort me in the time of need. I hope you are right and I find the person meant for me 😀
you will, he is saying the same thing now 😉
you just need to stumble across each other.
where is he?
I wish I knew 😦
great perspective ..but eventually we can never decide,coz love just happens…without letting us know whether he is rgt or wrong,only to realize later whether it is true or just a folly to let us have another experience of growing up
Yes you are right Soumya… we can’t control who we fall for and why but I was depending on these relationships to take me out of my depression. It was my way to run from the crap in my life rather than facing the problems.
*gentle hugs for you*
It took me a long time to learn to be comfortable with myself. (When I mean a long time, I mean a long time…as in … just this year. Ack!). I too felt I needed to ‘be with someone’. The idea of being a couple…of being in love…it is addicting.
But addiction … tis never a good thing.
I want to believe that you will one day find someone…your someone. Not the perfect person … but the perfect one for you. Tis a good thing to believe in…nods…and sends another hug your way.
*hugs back tightly* I feel this addiction was really taking a whole lot out of me…I became someone I didn’t recognized. It wasn’t me..just someone I wanted to be for him.. I guess it will be different when I find that special “someone”. Thanks for your support Katie 🙂
Hey, RandomAverageGirl…here we are a year later. I’m curious how you are doing? Did you have a good year of recovery and awareness? I’m just starting mine now and it’s an interesting start.
Hey..yes it has been a year and I am really doing a lot better now…. It feels good not being in a suffocating relationship just for the sake of it. I wish you all the best for your journey 🙂