The Humdrum Affairs

Part 4: I Miss You…

 

I miss you. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I want to get back to where we were, nor do I wish to make you feel guilty for whatever happened between us. But today I find myself missing you more than ever before. Is it wrong to long for a person who was such an important part of your life once. Yes we’ve had our misunderstandings and we don’t even talk anymore, but then whose fault is that. You made it pretty clear you didn’t want to do anything with me, that you didn’t want me calling you or mailing you or even sending you birthday greetings 😦

So why is it that all I want to do right now is to pick up my phone and call you just to hear your voice once more. Then I realise that the last thing I wanna do right now is to give you the satisfaction of knowing that I got weak. I just wish there was a way to fight this feeling. I mean I have to be pathetic enough to miss the very person who shattered my heart into a million pieces and left me when I needed him the most.

So tell me why you did that? Why did you leave me in the middle of a crisis? You had every idea of what I was going through, of how depressed I was. You were the person I shared every detail of my life with. Fine I understand that you didn’t feel the same way I felt but what about friendship? Wasn’t that a bond strong enough to make you stay with me and help me through my difficult times? I guess not cause you chose to leave me hanging in the midst of it all. And I had thought you were compassionate when you aren’t even a good human being.

Oh how blind I was. I tried to cut myself if you are interested to know, something I had sworn I would never do. And yet here I am, rambling about how I miss you. Tears are falling down my face like a waterfall as I type this. Tears, that mean nothing to you. Then why am I feeling this way. Am I a masochist? Do I just revel in my suffering? Wish I knew, wish somebody could tell me, but right now this pain is the only thing that reminds me I am alive and nothing else. I really wish I had the answers….